Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Recent Thoughts.

Recently I have been thinking of how people think about me as a person. Many people around me says that i am nice, promising bla bla bla.....all just scrapping the surface. I definitely know what i am all about but others may see me in a different light and its that perspective that I am trying to grasp.

People would say that it doesn't really matter what people think about you but what you think about yourself. But this is only true if the other person is of no importance to you. What your true friends, family (to a certain extent), love one, think about you do bring an impact to your overall life. At least for me it does.

So what do you think about me?

Monday, September 24, 2007

Bla Bla Bla Bla

The human mind is something really strange. You may think that you have fully understood yourself but in fact we are still learning much about ourselves as we walk this road in life. When I was a child, I wished I could be an adult and do what the adults could do. But now I AM an adult and wish life could be as simple as when i was a kid. We grow up having desires and as we achieve one level of desire we then move on to the next. Its like an endless ladder in which we know we need to step but sometimes we loose touch of where this stairs all leads us to. To some life could be a labyrinth of eternal doors and steps. We move, open the door and there we see many more stairs leading to many more doors ahead.

When i think about it, i somehow wish that the creator would just provide us with one flight of stairs and one door. All we need to do as his servants is move up the stairs and open that one door. Life would be so simple this way.

Wishful thinking on my side........

Anyway....just random blabbing. I don't think i am making any sense.

Good night.........

Blowing Winds

Time seems to be flowing like an endless dream today. Every tick on the clock seems to move slower and slower as i stare at the clock on the wall. Time seems to sit still at times. Life seems to be a flying kite...flying at the dictation of the wind. Where it will land just nobody knows.

I really need to find my bearings within the cyclone of winds. Nevertheless I do know where my destination lies, that would be the heart of this cyclone where the calm is.

How i wish my parking angel is working properly and guide me towards my goal.

I doubt I'll stop flying for the moment, the day i land would be when truth is unveiled and when the storm settles.

The Long Journey Home

Yesterday's journey home was a very long journey indeed. What used to be a two hours or at most 2 and a half hour drive turned into a 4 hrs journey. I don't think i drove my car so slow on a motorway before. Memories from the past surfaced, happy times, challenging times and much more. I have past through all that I thought with flying colours.

In life, one can only hope and leave things to fate.

But in the process of the thoughts i have forgot my obligations and disappointed people that I care. Its totally my fault. I should not have lost concentration.......

I guess happy endings are never meant for people like me.

Nevertheless, I can only now cling on to the promise that was made and maybe just maybe......all this confusion will disperse and we shall both see a clear path to walk together again. This years birthday of mine regardless of what is going to happen, will be one that I will never forget.

Fate.....seems to be talking alot about that............

Friday, September 21, 2007

Fate and the Baptism of Fire

I've always heard of people when talking about a difficult predicament that they can't solve saying "leave it to fate". Its a pretty cruel thing if you really look at it under the microscope. There is only two outcome at the end of the road. The agony is not the outcome but the road leading to it. Of course we try to make things so as to make a positive outcome of what we want but ultimately when things are no longer under our control, fate comes into play. One can only do so much to make what you wish come true. At the end, you pray hard that the outcome is a favourable one.

My believe will not waiver and my determination strong. I shall test this baptism of fire with my heads up high as I am sure there is a meaning for all this. Everything happens for a reason, and so is this..............

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Moving Forward

If there is such a thing called emotionally intoxicated, I guess I must be experiencing it right now. The feeling is pretty hard to explain, you get butterflies down your belly, you feel a certain warmth on your face right to the back of your ears, your heart beat becomes irregular as if following the samba beat, and you can just smile as you get along your day.

After what is certainly a very heart wrenching week, my heart is once again beginning to experience calm from a battered storm. No doubt there is still uncertainties that I know I need to face, but I shall face them head on.

I shall fulfill the promise that I have made as the path has already been laid. My way forward has never been so clear as the compass within my heart is guiding me there.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Encounter With Death

I had a dream yesterday, In that dream I was chased by an unknown assailant. It was dark and i did not know who it was. All i knew was an aura of immense evil was breathing through my neck. I ran along the very dark alley with darkness in front of me. Time was flowing slowly...its as if i was pulled in a vortex tunnel that was never ending. Then suddenly i saw an ending to the road ahead, I knew straight away that i had no way to run. The end of a cliff greeted me as i can feel the darkness coming closer. Instinctively i jumped..... it was long, a very long fall..... I don't think I ever reached the bottom when suddenly woke up from my slumber.

I am not a person that remembers his dream well but this one was vivid and real to leave an impression.

So as I was driving home slightly drenched with rain from some chores that I had to do, this dream of mine kept circulating in my mind. I did not try to interpret what the dream meant for me but Death came to mind (i am not suicidal...don't worry...kaka). I was thinking to myself, if I die would anyone apart from my family members mourn for me. Will my death bring any impact to people I know. To be honest, I have lost many friends as I moved on my journey in life. I have not always been a person that hangs on to sentimentality and because of that many friends came and go apart from the handful few that is still around. So if I die will they miss me? Will they come to my funeral and put a rose on my grave?

Of course, I would be the last person that wants to meet Grim Ripper. I rarely thought of death so its really odd when it does flash in your mind even for that split second. If I would to die today, I think I would be a wondering ghost seeking to complete his fulfilment in life. I might turn out to be one scary ghost!. There is still many things that I want to do. Of course I would gladly raise a family of my own. Care for my wife and make her the epicentre of my life. I have always looked at family that looked so happy that it radiates warmth to my heart. It is my wish to have such a family one day. I'll also like to see me fulfil my obligation as a filial son. To provide them with what I can till they move on from this place we call earth. There is a million and one thing that I still want to do but the question would be, "will there be time for it all"?....................

Friday, August 17, 2007

A Very Long Week

This week had been extremely slow moving. I guess when you really miss seeing someone, time can sometime tease you.

Anyway its finally Saturday tomorrow. Can't wait!!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Dream Home

Have you wondered what kind of family you wish to have once you have a family of your own? Recently I have been talking with a special someone about it in minor details.

So here is somewhat of a draft on what it would be like.

Of course having a house of my own would be a good start. Not too big since it would be a lot of work doing cleaning and stuff. Maybe 3-4 rooms upstairs and 2 more downstairs. Definitely want a big living room. Maybe two long lazy sofa for me and someone else which i am sure will be fully occupied. I don't really mind having a mini water feature inside the living room as sound of water have always been something that is soothing to the soul (Just had one done in my current house). I was told that karaoke is a must. Besides I like singing as well so I wonder who will be hogging on the set more. To bad for the neighbours i guess!

We will also need a decently sized study for at least 2 pc's and probably another laptop for roaming around in the house. Somehow I cannot see life without this gadgets that I think is the best invention ever made. I also imagine a study full of books ranging from romantic love stories to doraemon comic books.

On a personal note, a well equipped kitchen is highly desired. Although I have not been cooking much since coming back home to Malaysia, nevertheless I would definitely want to cook for my loved ones from time to time and on special occasion.

Warning : I assure you the food that I cook are 100% edible. But no worries...I should have at least 3 toilet for my guest disposal.

Knowing me, I would also have TV's scattered around the house. One in the master bedroom, second living room, kitchen and probably at the back garden. Hey we all need entertainment right?

Lets now move to the next topic namely cute cuddly and furry things namely our beloved domesticated pets. I foresee having 2 dogs, maybe a large one like a golden retriever and a small one just for indoors. Not too sure about the small one though since there is so many out there that is way adorable. I was told that we need 6! but if we do it will come under certain conditions..hehe.

That would be all for now. I shall add on to the list as I get along....dream....dream.....dream.........................