Recent Thoughts.

Recently I have been thinking of how people think about me as a person. Many people around me says that i am nice, promising bla bla bla.....all just scrapping the surface. I definitely know what i am all about but others may see me in a different light and its that perspective that I am trying to grasp.

People would say that it doesn't really matter what people think about you but what you think about yourself. But this is only true if the other person is of no importance to you. What your true friends, family (to a certain extent), love one, think about you do bring an impact to your overall life. At least for me it does.

So what do you think about me?

Bla Bla Bla Bla

The human mind is something really strange. You may think that you have fully understood yourself but in fact we are still learning much about ourselves as we walk this road in life. When I was a child, I wished I could be an adult and do what the adults could do. But now I AM an adult and wish life could be as simple as when i was a kid. We grow up having desires and as we achieve one level of desire we then move on to the next. Its like an endless ladder in which we know we need to step but sometimes we loose touch of where this stairs all leads us to. To some life could be a labyrinth of eternal doors and steps. We move, open the door and there we see many more stairs leading to many more doors ahead.

When i think about it, i somehow wish that the creator would just provide us with one flight of stairs and one door. All we need to do as his servants is move up the stairs and open that one door. Life would be so simple this way.

Wishful thinking on my side........

Anyway....just random blabbing. I don't think i am making any sense.

Good night.........

Blowing Winds

Time seems to be flowing like an endless dream today. Every tick on the clock seems to move slower and slower as i stare at the clock on the wall. Time seems to sit still at times. Life seems to be a flying kite...flying at the dictation of the wind. Where it will land just nobody knows.

I really need to find my bearings within the cyclone of winds. Nevertheless I do know where my destination lies, that would be the heart of this cyclone where the calm is.

How i wish my parking angel is working properly and guide me towards my goal.

I doubt I'll stop flying for the moment, the day i land would be when truth is unveiled and when the storm settles.

The Long Journey Home

Yesterday's journey home was a very long journey indeed. What used to be a two hours or at most 2 and a half hour drive turned into a 4 hrs journey. I don't think i drove my car so slow on a motorway before. Memories from the past surfaced, happy times, challenging times and much more. I have past through all that I thought with flying colours.

In life, one can only hope and leave things to fate.

But in the process of the thoughts i have forgot my obligations and disappointed people that I care. Its totally my fault. I should not have lost concentration.......

I guess happy endings are never meant for people like me.

Nevertheless, I can only now cling on to the promise that was made and maybe just maybe......all this confusion will disperse and we shall both see a clear path to walk together again. This years birthday of mine regardless of what is going to happen, will be one that I will never forget.

Fate.....seems to be talking alot about that............

Fate and the Baptism of Fire

I've always heard of people when talking about a difficult predicament that they can't solve saying "leave it to fate". Its a pretty cruel thing if you really look at it under the microscope. There is only two outcome at the end of the road. The agony is not the outcome but the road leading to it. Of course we try to make things so as to make a positive outcome of what we want but ultimately when things are no longer under our control, fate comes into play. One can only do so much to make what you wish come true. At the end, you pray hard that the outcome is a favourable one.

My believe will not waiver and my determination strong. I shall test this baptism of fire with my heads up high as I am sure there is a meaning for all this. Everything happens for a reason, and so is this..............

Moving Forward

If there is such a thing called emotionally intoxicated, I guess I must be experiencing it right now. The feeling is pretty hard to explain, you get butterflies down your belly, you feel a certain warmth on your face right to the back of your ears, your heart beat becomes irregular as if following the samba beat, and you can just smile as you get along your day.


After what is certainly a very heart wrenching week, my heart is once again beginning to experience calm from a battered storm. No doubt there is still uncertainties that I know I need to face, but I shall face them head on.


I shall fulfill the promise that I have made as the path has already been laid. My way forward has never been so clear as the compass within my heart is guiding me there.

Encounter With Death

I had a dream yesterday, In that dream I was chased by an unknown assailant. It was dark and i did not know who it was. All i knew was an aura of immense evil was breathing through my neck. I ran along the very dark alley with darkness in front of me. Time was flowing slowly...its as if i was pulled in a vortex tunnel that was never ending. Then suddenly i saw an ending to the road ahead, I knew straight away that i had no way to run. The end of a cliff greeted me as i can feel the darkness coming closer. Instinctively i jumped..... it was long, a very long fall..... I don't think I ever reached the bottom when suddenly woke up from my slumber.

I am not a person that remembers his dream well but this one was vivid and real to leave an impression.

So as I was driving home slightly drenched with rain from some chores that I had to do, this dream of mine kept circulating in my mind. I did not try to interpret what the dream meant for me but Death came to mind (i am not suicidal...don't worry...kaka). I was thinking to myself, if I die would anyone apart from my family members mourn for me. Will my death bring any impact to people I know. To be honest, I have lost many friends as I moved on my journey in life. I have not always been a person that hangs on to sentimentality and because of that many friends came and go apart from the handful few that is still around. So if I die will they miss me? Will they come to my funeral and put a rose on my grave?

Of course, I would be the last person that wants to meet Grim Ripper. I rarely thought of death so its really odd when it does flash in your mind even for that split second. If I would to die today, I think I would be a wondering ghost seeking to complete his fulfilment in life. I might turn out to be one scary ghost!. There is still many things that I want to do. Of course I would gladly raise a family of my own. Care for my wife and make her the epicentre of my life. I have always looked at family that looked so happy that it radiates warmth to my heart. It is my wish to have such a family one day. I'll also like to see me fulfil my obligation as a filial son. To provide them with what I can till they move on from this place we call earth. There is a million and one thing that I still want to do but the question would be, "will there be time for it all"?....................

A Very Long Week

This week had been extremely slow moving. I guess when you really miss seeing someone, time can sometime tease you.

Anyway its finally Saturday tomorrow. Can't wait!!

Dream Home

Have you wondered what kind of family you wish to have once you have a family of your own? Recently I have been talking with a special someone about it in minor details.

So here is somewhat of a draft on what it would be like.

Of course having a house of my own would be a good start. Not too big since it would be a lot of work doing cleaning and stuff. Maybe 3-4 rooms upstairs and 2 more downstairs. Definitely want a big living room. Maybe two long lazy sofa for me and someone else which i am sure will be fully occupied. I don't really mind having a mini water feature inside the living room as sound of water have always been something that is soothing to the soul (Just had one done in my current house). I was told that karaoke is a must. Besides I like singing as well so I wonder who will be hogging on the set more. To bad for the neighbours i guess!

We will also need a decently sized study for at least 2 pc's and probably another laptop for roaming around in the house. Somehow I cannot see life without this gadgets that I think is the best invention ever made. I also imagine a study full of books ranging from romantic love stories to doraemon comic books.

On a personal note, a well equipped kitchen is highly desired. Although I have not been cooking much since coming back home to Malaysia, nevertheless I would definitely want to cook for my loved ones from time to time and on special occasion.

Warning : I assure you the food that I cook are 100% edible. But no worries...I should have at least 3 toilet for my guest disposal.

Knowing me, I would also have TV's scattered around the house. One in the master bedroom, second living room, kitchen and probably at the back garden. Hey we all need entertainment right?

Lets now move to the next topic namely cute cuddly and furry things namely our beloved domesticated pets. I foresee having 2 dogs, maybe a large one like a golden retriever and a small one just for indoors. Not too sure about the small one though since there is so many out there that is way adorable. I was told that we need 6! but if we do it will come under certain conditions..hehe.

That would be all for now. I shall add on to the list as I get along....dream....dream.....dream.........................

My Life Journey

The definition of love comes in many shape, form and sizes. Over the years, I have heard many people talk about this ancient yet fresh terminology that has plagued the human race. Why plague? Because it had caused a lot of hurt but yet we as sentient beings chase after it as if our life depends on it.

My life experience on love has been somewhat vague. Vague in the sense that when I think back things seems far and distant. It may be due to the fact that I have shut out my heart for a long time for other commitments in my life.

My life have always revolved around the people that is dear to me and for the last few years it had been revolving around my family. Friends and family ask me why have I not moved on. I myself ask the same question but deep inside i suspect that I have lost myself or even lost the sense of purpose on what love is all about. The images of previous relationships and the sacrifices that I have made for them and the hurt it had caused me had been a scar that was pretty hard to bear. Up until recently the thought still hold true.

Then came a glimmer of hope late last year. What started off as an innocent conversation blossomed into something unexpected. Unexpected because I have always had many barriers built up around me. For the past few years it had protected me from what I thought was something I am not prepared to do. The rate that my barriers got ravaged was so rapid that my heart lead me on a journey that my brain couldn't. By the time my brain got back to its senses I realised what a great journey I have walked on and I knew my heart was doing what was right for me. My heart was finally opened after so many years of dormancy.

My life in a way has come full circle, in a sense that I now know what to expect and what to hope for in life.

Someone once told me, "one cannot choose what family that he/she is born in but what they can choose is the family that they will be in later in life". I have now seen the path that is laid in front of me. I shall walk along it through thick and thin. I know that one needs to give before they can take. I shall give every effort, heart and soul for this long journey of mine. As I know this path I am walking is the one that I want to take for the rest of my life.......................

Oh my brother...how painful can that be!

Encountered a very painful morning today.

My sister was in a rush this morning cause she was late for my car service appointment. Not knowing which one was the service log book, she threw the whole stack of booklets at me to find it for her while i was actually still half asleep with my blanket still up my neck.

Guess where it hit me...................................?

Ouch!!

What a morning to start my day eh?

Bad Vibes

I woke up this morning having the exact feeling I had yesterday afternoon. A sense of uncertainty, anxiousness, bad premonition all lingering around the air. Not sleeping well yesterday night compounded the bad vibes that I have been receiving this morning.

Many things in my mind that used to be simple and irrelevant now seemed heavy. My temper that is usually not out in the surface seems to be surfacing from time to time. Not had this kind of feeling for a while and whenever its out i feel really uncomfortable.

I have always practice self control most of my life. I try my best to be in control of myself and try not to get my emotions get the better of me but of course not everything goes as plan at times. I guess it may be due to the stress that I have been through this past two weeks.Many things in my mind right now but alas most of them are really out of my control. I can only wish that things will fall into place with time. Latest problem involved my family that I am pretty worried about but something I expected and cannot really change.

Heh....probably its "the time of the month" but this time the Male's version.

I am pretty sure in time this feeling will go away like it always had. Lets hope that it runs its course as fast as it came.

Short Story

Got this off the e-mail. Hope you guys enjoy this short story

The Sights and Taste of Kuala Sepetang

Kuala Sepetang or more famously known as Port Weld is a fishing village about 30 minutes from Taiping. It used to be the busiest port in the region used for exporting tin ores. But now its mainly for fishing boats.

For those that knows the local area, its pretty famous for its fresh seafood and it has a famous restaurant (Restoran Tepi Sungai) situated on the upper floor of a shop lot overlooking the river. If you are looking for good sights while you are having delicious seafood, this would not be a place you want to miss on your next trip in Perak. You can often have lunch and spot eagles and other sea birds flying in the area. Pretty good place for bird watching.

Anyway, I had the luxury of having my late lunch there after my Tree Top Walk. Here are some pictures for you guys to enjoy.

The Tree Top Walk Sungai Sedim

I was told by a nature loving friend about this remote . part of Kedah that hides one of of the country's best spot for white water rafting. But the part that caught my ear was the fact that this location is also where the longest tree top walk in the world is located.

I was finally there last month with my family and some friends.

Getting There

To get there you first hit the North South Expressway and head towards Kulim. Once you reach Kulim, drive through Kulim High Tech Park. From the modern complexes and factories, the scene soon changes to that of villages with huts having wooden and brick combination. Moving further, you will soon reach a place called Karangan. From there just follow the signboard to Sungai Sedim Tree Top Walk. From here be ready to expect kampung roads that are windy and bumpy dirt roads. I was practically wondering if i was in the right direction as signboards are not present till a bit further along the journey. Nevertheless you will eventually arrive at Sungai Sedim once you see the signboard "Sungai Sedim Recreation Forest".

General Info

The Sungai Sedim Walkway measures 925 metres long and is about 50 metres high. Its walkway are firm and does not move from left to right as you walk along it. So even a grandma would be safe walking along the walkway. Nevertheless, for those scared of heights, this attraction is not for the faint-hearted as a peep down might make you a bit dizzy.

For those interested in going, the walkway opens daily from 8.30am to 5.30pm with an entrance fee of RM10 for adults and RM6 for children.

Pictures showing how the walkway was constructed

Snapshots of the walkway

At certain points of the walkway you see a sign indicating how high you are from sea level

A hawks few of Sungai Sedim

One of the picturesque images as you walk along the walkway

Lazy Sunday Post

This week passed by pretty quickly with nothing much on the agenda. I see my coming months being busy with the latest project that I shall be undertaking this May. I shall be co-organising a 2 day health camp with Pfizer International at both Kuala Kangsar and Sungai Siput town. This will be my second time working with them and I hope this year would be better then the last. I am predicting a lot of meetings to be done in the coming 2 months to sort out all the major and minor issues still at hand.

On a lighter note, I attended my friends niece wedding at the Bougainvillea Country Club, Ipoh yesterday. It was a typical Indian wedding with long buffet queues and the never ending trumpets and the likes normally associated with this sort of weddings. For me and my friend it was really a mad rush since Liverpool vs Chelsea kicks off at 8.45pm. We have decided to quickly rush to "Tung Kui" to watch the second half. Anyway we manage to escape at roughly 9.30pm with the incentive that Liverpool was leading 2-0. Being a Liverpool fan i was really pleased. In the end we manage to watch the second half just as it started. Final score Liverpool 2 Chelsea 0. GO LIVERPOOL!!

Dad and Oatmeal

Been babysitting dad for the past few days since mom have left for Kuching to visit some friends. It then dawned on me how husbands of the older generation, are so dependent on their wives. Last Sunday I saw my dad fiddling around at the kitchen. I later realised he was trying to make himself a bowl of oatmeal. We have been trying to put dad on a low sodium diet so we have introduced the wonders of oatmeal to him. Anyway here was my dad trying to figure out how much milk to put on his oatmeal and the minutes needed to microwave it. It really gave me a chuckle when i saw it. Of course I volunteered to make his oatmeal for him but to my amazement he refused. So there i was watching my dad frantically trying to make himself a bowl of oatmeal for almost 15 minutes.I gave suggestions along the way but it was a pretty amusing situation. At the end of it all, my dad grumbled on how the taste was different with what he normally had but still ate the bowl clean. I guess he was pretty hungry.

So to the guys out there. Cherish your loved one's but don't let them do all the work or you'll end up like my dad struggling when the wife is not around.

A Bad Day

Today is just one of those days that you wish would end at a blink of an eye but can't for some odd reason. One word sums up my day today - frustrating.

First was this oddball that came to my practice wanting glasses. Then after less then 5 minutes of me testing his eyes, flung my trial lenses and rushed out of my site test room. He then complaint to her daughter which incidentally is one of my regular customer that I was wasting his time. The problem was, the daughter was surprised that the test was so quick when the dad came out. Of course i kept my cool. Even though my equipment got thrown to the floor i tried to explain that its part of the procedure to make a good pair of glasses for him. I felt a bit pity for the daughter since she had to say sorry on the dad behalf after the dad angrily walked out of the practice. Bloody hell...why does such unreasonable human exist?

To compound my frustration, later in the afternoon I was talking to another client of mine. After explaining to him on various lenses things that he can use for almost half and hour, he stood up and said "thanks for the info, I don't plan to buy today just wanted to survey the market so that I can buy in 2 month time when i get my wage". I was like...bloody hell, you should have said so instead of the "i wanna make a pair of glasses please". Honestly i don't mind people browsing but to say you wanna make glasses and after me doing so much test then walking off...now thats unreasonable.

Then came my third calamity. For some reason my PC stopped working. Had to boot the comp 5 times and after again another agonizing 20 mins it suddenly just like magic decided to work on me.

Its 4.17pm in the afternoon. I honestly hope this would be the end of my streak. I don't think i want to handle any pleasantries at this moment in time. Anger management have always been my strong points but today it seems its starting to creep up on me.

May god have mercy on this currently fragile mind of mine.

The Meaning Of A Successful Relationship

Recently I have been having conversations of how people suffer or complain about their current relationships. Some can be as petty as not calling more then once a day to not being caring enough or even him being a complete "batu or kayu".

This then brings me back to my thinking box. What does a relationship mean?

For me a relationship means 2 person getting together and each being able to fulfill the other person's needs either emotionally, spiritually or even materially. A relationship is about 2 person understanding each other as they move along the winding road we call life while supporting each other along the way.

So what makes a successful relationship?

The success of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it meets the need of two people. If you are happy and contented while your partner is not, that would mean you have not done enough to fulfill your partners needs. If your partner is contented but you are unhappy, then your partner have not done enough to fulfill your needs. Lets all be frank, everyone has needs in their lives. Some of the needs cannot be procured alone and has to be given by the other. For example, we can pamper ourselves with tender loving care but we yearn for tender loving care by our loved one's. So it is important for both parties to know what is needed to fulfill the needs of the other. Tell each other what makes you tick.

A lot of people would complain that their partner do not understand them or do not know how to please them. If thats the case, isn't it your responsibility to TELL your partner what you need? There should be no hesitation to ask or tell the other on what makes you tick. Isn't life about self exploration after all? Do not expect your partner to mindread you. We humans are not able to do such things. Unless you ask or tell, no one would really know what you need. So both should be proactive in understanding the needs of one another in order to build a successful relationship. Do not complain to people that he is not doing enough...TELL HIM/HER.

So here you go, my formula for a long lasting relationship. Of course this is a personal view, so follow at your own risk!! haha

On a side note, recently I have been having many mind stimulating conversations that have made this little mind of mine buzzing with activity. Not had such good thoughts for sometime.

Hope it continues.

Visitors

This few evenings had been spent entertaining a family fren. They are an English couple in their 80's that was once in Malaya (that's what they call Malaysia) in the 1950's. This few days is more or less a lesson of history for me as they told me stories upon stories of how the British was trying to help the community and how they managed the communist insurgents. This couple have been frequenting Malaysia and my hometown specifically every 2-3 years for the past 18-20 years. Its rather astonishing to see such dedication and love from a foreigner towards my country that I sometimes hate but love at the same time. Alas I predict this could be their last year here with age catching up.

I Can't Believe This!

I was reading the papers this morning and this article caught my attention.


Nearly 40% of Malaysian women abused by partners

By NG SU-ANN

PENANG: About 39% of Malaysian women are physically abused by either their husbands or boyfriends, Wanita MCA chief Datuk Dr Ng Yen Yen said.

Dr Ng, who obtained the statistics from the police, said in Asia, the average figure stood at 33.33%.

She said domestic violence could be a vicious circle where men whose fathers hit their mothers would end up hitting their wives and children.

“Although there are laws protecting these victims, many refuse to seek help for fear of breaking up the family,” said Dr Ng, who is also Deputy Finance Minister.
She also said that rape cases had risen from 2.4 daily in 1993 to 5.3 daily in 2005.

She said the figures could be more as only one in 10 cases was reported to the police.

About 80% of rape cases in the country involved teenage victims who went on dates, she said when giving a talk yesterday on anti-violence organised by the Federation of Hainan Association Malaysia (Women’s Section) at Han Chiang High School.

Dr Ng said that although the Government recently allocated RM20mil to incorporate sex education in schools, parents must still continue to instil moral values such as self-respect and gender education in their children.

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What the hell? I knew there are quite are many abuse cases out there but 40%!! That's ridiculous.....I really do not understand it at all. How on earth can a husband or loved one hit their other half is beyond me. For whatever wrong that they may have done at the end of the day, man should not hit on women, full stop. I have absolute no respect to any guys that hit women and it really angers me when i see this happening around me. Your wife who labored for 9 month to produce your offspring deserves much better then that. If there is a misunderstanding then sit down and talk about it. Do not wait till breaking point and let all hell let loose.

Love

Just watched a random series on the dumb box (TV) just now and something that one of the character said caught my mind

"Loving someone till it hurts"

A lot of people say love is a wonderful thing. True if things start and ends well. Unfortunately in this world things are just not that simple. There are many twist and turns in life that we cannot predict. Life's just ain't that fairytale that we have all hoped for.

In this complex cycle we call life I guess love must be one of the most complex subject matter that we human face. Even after so many heart ache and disappointment that we human go through, love is still something that we all yearn for and chase for.

Farewell 2006

2006 have generally been a good year for me. My gross profit for the year rose by 8% which for me is admirable considering this year was actually bad for many business market.

My investment in new equipments and new administration processes have helped out a lot. Nevertheless, I have yet accomplished my vision for the practice although I would say 70% of what I want is there after 3 years of taking over. There is still the matter of having my data fully digitalized and to upgrade my diagnostic equipment for more value added service. I would definitely want to go paperless this year and i am also seriously contemplating on acquiring a fundus camera but it would knock me off by about 80K. But I do see me having it in the coming future even if i don't get it by this year. Probably get a digital slit-lamp if the fundus camera don't materialize.

Anyway I will need to further think about the matter and see how I would want to shape my business for 2007. For sure I shall be sticking to my niche market which is the middle upper segment. I'll leave the bargain galore to the rest of the competitor to fight it out.

On a personal note, I guess after 3 years of constant work I might wanna take a vacation for a change. Although I don't know when time shall permit me to do so, I shall make an effort. The problem is to find people to wanna join since I am normally off during non holiday period.